forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
