hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
