Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
