Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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