honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
