Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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