i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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