Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
