When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
