i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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