I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
