I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
