What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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