I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my shit smells like andre
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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