Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
