Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
