She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
