Can i not drive my cunt home
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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