I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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