today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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