how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
