chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
