finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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