have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
