I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
