Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The best revenge is premature balding
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
