would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
