i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize