no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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