and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
