"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
50% drunk capacity currently
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
