I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
