i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
