I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
