my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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