Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
