I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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