my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
