I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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