ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
