A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
