OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How does it feel to date your dad?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
