I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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