Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
