Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
