im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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