I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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