So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
