Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
