4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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