in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
