When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
