Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
