I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
