We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
