I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
