I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
