proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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