Your face is a jimmy john
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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