Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize